Car Horns and More

Sketch Transcript

[ open on Bobby and Nasim stalled in traffic ] 

Nasim: Look at this traffic. 

[ she honks her ordinary-sounding car horn ] 

Bobby: [ scoffing ] Nice car horn. 

[ he exits the car and walks away ] 

Nasim: Oh, no! Come back! I hate my car horn. 

[ Tina Tina Cheneuse enters frame ] 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Does this happen to you? People go away ’cause you got a bad, boring car horn? Hi lo! I’m Tina Tina Cheneuse! 

[ she crosses frame to a panel of steering wheels ] 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Does your car horn lack flavor? Then come on down to Car Horns and More. Okay, here’s what a regular car horn sounds like: [ she presses the archaic-sounding horn ] What? No. That’s bad! [ she tosses the car horn away ] You need a custom-made car horn that speaks to you. Like this: [ she presses a horn ] 

Car Horn: “Beep beep, I am your car!” 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Yeeeesss… that is my voice. Why should it not be? I’m an entrepreneur. At car horns and more, we got all kinds of car horns. Polite car horns: 

Car Horn: “Beep beep! After you, Buick.” 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Old timey car horns. 

Car Horn: “A-ooga! What?” 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: International car horns. 

Car Horn: Honk honk! bonjour! grey poupon! Fresh.” 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: And for ambulances. 

Car Horn: “Get out the way, a baby ate a penny. Oh, my Go-o-o-od!” 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: How do I do it? I had a little help. Just ask my cousin, Kiki. 

Kiki Dee Cheneuse: Hellooooo! I’m Kiki Dee Cheneuse, and I’ve been in all kinds of crazy cars. Do you need a horn for a limousine? 

Car Horn: Boom-boom! Minibar! Hello, driver! Honk! Honk! 

Kiki Dee Cheneuse: What if you drive a airport shuttle bus? 

Car Horn: Honk honk! Jet Blue! Bye-bye, Nana! 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: We got horns for everybody. Come on! 

Scientist: What about me? I’m a scientist. 

Kiki Dee Cheneuse: Here you go! 

Car Horn: Bunson burner! Bubbles! It’s alive! Whaaaat? 

Scientist: Good. [ he exits ] 

Teenager: What about me? I’m a teenager. 
Kiki Dee Cheneuse: Well, this one’s for you. 

Car Horn: Pass the Clearasil! Shut up, Mom! Jolly Ranchers! 

Teenager: Yes! [ she exits ] 

Bobby: What about me? I’m a soldier in the Army. 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Here! 

Car Horn: Camouflage! Bunk beds! Drop and give me 20! Beep-beep! Private Benjamin!Right? 

Bobby: Thanks! [ he exits ] 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: We even got car horns for driving to church. 

Car Horn: Hi-lo! I’m coming to your house, Jesus! 

Kiki Dee Cheneuse: For the elderly! 

Car Horn: Honk honk! I remember when all this was farmland. 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: And even car horns for people in relationships. 

Car Horn: Honk! How could you sleep with Denise? Oh, my God! I can’t believe you did this to me! This is a terrible betrayal! Beep! 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Oh, my, Go-o-o-od! So come on down to car horns and more. 

Together: And get the fantasy car horn of your dreams! Bye bye! 

Tina Tina Cheneuse: Beep-beep.

Original transcript here
It’s not totally accurate, but you get an idea.

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